Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
