she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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