mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
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They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
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In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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