OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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