the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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