Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
