we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
