is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
so let's talk penis.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
