Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Randomize
