He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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