My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
found the other keg... it's in the tree
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize