I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
