Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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