I met the friendliest cop last night
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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