I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
