Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
