that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
