Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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