Porn is love you can see.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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