Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
