so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
