So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
