So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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