i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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