My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
only if we run a train.
done.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
