He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
