oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
