Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
