I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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