some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
