if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
