this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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