I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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