Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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