____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
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