Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
