perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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