the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
