nut hugger
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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