dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
