I wish I could punch you in the face.
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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