dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
All I want is dick and wine.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
