I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
