i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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