I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
