Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
