Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
