the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
