Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
