I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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