Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
