i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
