i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
