I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
