at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
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