Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
