let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
