Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
