I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
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I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
they're like a gay fantastic four
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
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I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
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