Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
