Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
