first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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