I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
