Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
