"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Come see our sink grown plant.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
