Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
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He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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