So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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