I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
